I’m going to be honest, it’s been a tough year. Most of the time you see me online or at events, I am happy, bubbly and confident, but I’m not always that way. My confidence has taken quite a hit this year.
The past couple of months I have been reflecting on my year, my accomplishments and where I feel I have fallen short. I’ve been looking at how I show up, and where I have been hiding and I wanted to pull back the curtains and share in a deeper way what has been going on for me the past few months. I made this video and really dug deep into the past few months, my struggles, and how I have gotten myself through it.
On a personal level, I lost my cat in May. He was my best buddy and brought me more joy than anything in my life. Losing my greatest source of joy was a huge hit, and it really set me back quite a bit. When you don’t have enough joy or a source of love in your life, it really impacts your business. As a single woman, I don’t have a romantic love to turn to (although I AM looking, if you know an amazing man! And he MUST be amazing! (-; ) and I had this feeling of being really alone, so I started to ask myself “how can I create more joy in my life?” I started going out and doing fun things, like live band karaoke (if you haven’t tried it, DO IT! You’ll feel like a rock star!!). I’ve had to intentionally be more joyful and create fun things to do. Of course, as an introvert I love my alone time, but even as an introvert, there IS such a thing as TOO MUCH alone time, HA!
On the business side of things, “Catapult” was my word for the year. I had my vision board with big goals and dreams, but the past couple of months, I have been feeling really crappy, as I didn’t reach the goals I had set, didn’t make the money or get the clients I had wanted.
I held 3 of my own events this year, and spoke at other people’s events, did lots of Facebook live videos, and although people tell me all the time how much of an impact I have made for them, I didn’t get the financial results I was looking for. Transformation wise, people told me my speeches and events have made such an impact. Several women at my “Rise Up and Shine” event told me it was life changing. One day changed their life. That’s freaking amazing!
The women who’ve gone through my visioning workshops have had so much massive growth in their businesses this year. Hearing that lights me up and makes me crazy happy to know that I am making such an impact on these women.
I really had to sit with the fact that I made a huge impact on others, their businesses are thriving, they are reaching their vision, but I wasn’t reaching mine. I really reflected on why I didn’t create what I wanted in my own life and business, and to look at my part in the results that I got. A big part of it was grief. But I recognized there was more to it.
I started to ask myself, “what is it in me that I still need to learn? Where do I have some blocks that are holding me back? What unconscious thoughts may be lingering deep down that I need to become aware of and clear out, in order to move forward and create what I want?”
I came to the realization that I had buried thoughts of “not good enough,” “I’m not worthy,” “I am not good at this ‘business thing,’” “I don’t deserve to have these things that I want, they aren’t for me.”
We teach what we need to learn and what we need to grow through. I share often how I used to be shy, and that I am an introvert, and I have spent the past 10 years growing through that, working through my fears and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, because I have a bigger vision for my life, of making a big impact.
There were a lot of layers to growing my confidence and each time I grow bigger, I need to re-learn them on a new level. There is always inner work and growth to be done. We never “arrive.” There is always a new, bigger goal to reach for, and we must be willing to do the work (inner and outer) to achieve it.
I’ve also been looking at what DID work, what DID happen this year? I’m looking at my vision board in a new light, with new eyes. I looked at the photos on my board and instead of thinking “well THAT didn’t happen,” looking at how maybe it happened in a different way than the idea I had in my head about it. For example, I planned to have a beach retreat for women in my community. That didn’t end up happening. But it occurred to me that I took several personal beach “retreats,” including my first trip ever to Hawaii! I encourage you to look at what you are disappointed about with different eyes, and see all the things that you did accomplish, in ways you hadn’t planned on.
One thing that was super successful that I started this year was my Confident Video Marketing Challenge. It was an idea I ran with and I ended up running two sessions this year, with a total of 47 people! That was amazing! Just the number of people who showed up was pretty mind blowing, and to watch their transformations in just 5 days was incredible.
Part of keeping the confidence is trusting and knowing on a core level that it will come. Whatever it is that you want, it will come if you stay the course, trust, and believe in yourself and your journey. I KNOW that I will find the love of my life. I KNOW that I will make fantastic money with this business. And it’s coming. And there are days and weeks where the confidence wanes and I am frustrated, but picking myself back up is key.
In doing this video and reflecting on the year, I got a “download” for writing my upcoming book, which will be out next year. A lot of people tell me they have a lot of confidence, but it’s really all about the deep down stuff, the core beliefs about who you are. Some people look and act confident, but on the inside, they struggle with…
- How much they feel they deserve
- Getting Out of their Comfort Zone
- Taking off the “Mask,” and being their authentic self
- Being in fear
The book will cover these topics and a lot more, to support you in moving through your mindtrash and building your confidence, self-love and courage.
I really wanted to share all of this with you because even though I am a confidence coach, it doesn’t mean that I am always upbeat, happy, and joyful. I have struggles and sadness too. I am not confident all the time.
I’ve been doing this work on myself for ten years and I am going through all of this right there with you. I may be a few steps ahead, but I know the challenges, I face them too, and I can support you while you are going through them as well. I can help you grow your confidence and have all the things you want, too, whether that is success in your business, love, money, self-love. Reach out to me if you need any support, I have room for a few more clients, and would love to chat with you in a complimentary strategy session to see if we might be a good fit to work together.
If you’d like to speak with me in a strategy session, fill out the questions on this page and I will be in touch… https://www.erinsumm.com/coaching-with-me/
I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this as well, go to my contact page and let me know!